Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
