her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
