I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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