i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
