I hate all girls vehemently.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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