I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
