If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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