even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
