Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
