All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
