Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Drake has all the answers
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
