I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
