well I can't set my house on fire every night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
