Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
