I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
