just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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