Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
