I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
