it glows. i had to have it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
