I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
