someone threw a dead crab at me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
