Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
