it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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