bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
