Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
