1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
