Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
