You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
