Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize