I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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