There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
