somebody snuck up and got me drunk
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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