I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
