I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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