Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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