Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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