apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
