the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
