I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
