She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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