no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
