I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
