So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
