Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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