am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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