the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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