I'm jealous of your bromance
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
