Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
