my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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