I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
