will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
