i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He has the fingertips of a God
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