dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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