My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
