i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
