brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
