what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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