i don't like sucking hair
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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