If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
