which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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