I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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