you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
