went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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