you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
