someone get that fucking seahorse.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize