hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
