Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
