I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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