Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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