Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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