Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
